Mobile Nigeria Forum

I completely identify with you tayotina. My last relationship was a thorough disaster. I'm yet to recover fully even after 18 months. Anyways, I guess no one's to blame really, but myself, not even the guy, cos I saw the handwriting as legible as ever on the wall and then of cos on SMS. Sometime before I finally summoned enough courage... well, common sense really, to give him the boots, I started the habit of going through his phone and let's just say the messages were simple enough for me to understand. He was either busy texting some lady how he wanted to take proper care of them or busy soliciting for some 'quality time together' while I was probably busy cooking all sorts of delicacies and storing them in his fridge in labelled containers (one for each day for him to take to work). In as much as I would say it was unethical of me to go through his phone and that I probably got what was coming to me (as I anticipate some guys will argue), I'm so happy I did, because it just confirmed the fears I had already about him playing the field and all. Once a relationship gets to the stage where you think your partner is habitually lying to you, girlfriend…. Do something!

It’s not peculiar to guys, I must say. Case in point, a friend of mine went all the way to Enugu from Ibadan to see his ‘babe’ who was then in Law School. Her phone was having problems and he left his with her (such love). To cut it short really, she came back home, the guy needed to use the phone for a day and suffice to say that some texts received on his phone led to their break-up and this couple were already engaged. I don’t understand people, really. If you’re not ready to go into a relationship and be committed, why bother, why go out there and seek someone to hurt? Lack of the fear of God I suppose. I guess I’m climbing on the pulpit here and missing the point so….erm….yeah, some really horrible experiences exist with texts.

Yeah Ra I agree it is unethical to go through your partner's phone but then you need to do it sometimes either to allay your fears or confirm your suspicions.  In my case, I new my boyfriend was up to something because he was always travelling to Lagos EVERY weekend.  There were some calls that he never answered in my presence.  Some of our friends new he was seeing someone in Lagos but they never told me and I did not know until the day I went through his phone.

tayotina wrote:

Seun, yeah he was being unfaithful but I could never imagine breaking up with a guy over a text message. In the first place why didn't he delete it after reading? Did he leave it there just to taunt me or what? Knowing very well I was bound to see it someday?  I knew he wasn't a saint, at least, most guyz are not.

I am with you girlfriend, I read my guy's text messages all the time not that I don't trust him but I very much would like to find out for myself if he is two timing or not. If snooping around his inbox is part of it, So be it.

Last edited by patricia (2005-04-06 12:27:56)

I know this is not Agony Aunt's thread and I rightly crave everyone's indulgence (before you all descend on me:p).

tayotina, I perfectly understand what you must have gone through (having being there m'self, if nothing else) and it does sound like you still hurt. My darling, please, please and please, let it go, let him go. It's a case of good riddance to dirty rubbish. If you were in your friends' shoes, you would not tell the victim either that their b/gfriend is nothing but a two-timing scum-of-the-earth-kind-of-person.

I might be wrong, girlfriend, but if indeed you still hurt over this guy, please, I beg you; he is so not worth it. It's easier said, but trust me, you don't need the heart ache. He's probably having the time of his life while you hang your head. I just wish people would be more honest with themselves and be kind enough to take other people (especially those they claim to love) into consideration before giving in to their selfish lustful desires.

I have digressed. Abeg no vex.

tayotina: I am sorry I'm digressing.  I have been bashed for this, but I still don't understand people would expect a boyfriend or girlfriend to be faithful to you when you are not engaged or married.  Why is it wrong to 'shop around' when you have not yet made the decision on whom you plan to spend the rest of your life with?  If you can help me understand, you will be sparing me and several ladies from years of unavoidable heartache.

I am sorry I would have to go off the point a little for the sake of Seun.

Seun it is simple. You can't settle down with someone you hardly know.  Some people go into relationships just for the fun of it while others see it as a stepping stone to marriage.  For those who take it to be fun attach no importance to the concept of faithfulness and honesty.  And that is where we have a lot of guyz "shopping around".

Sometimes you don't even need to make decisions on whom you plan to spend the rest of your live with because if you have been with someone for so long, I mean long enough to know when she blinks, it could just happen naturally.

And Angelgirl dear, no one is a saint.  We only try our best to do to others what we want them to do to us.

And what  I have learnt is that men are like ........ Snowstorms...  You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.  Seun liken it to a relationship.

QUAM wrote:

My thang is this, sms or no sms, a relationship that is not built on trust and mutual respect will crumble with or without sms, sms is just a tool.

Exactly!!! You've said it all my brother. SMS is simply a tool. Like I said earlier, the minute one starts suspecting the partner of illicit affairs, for the sakes of all parties concerned and especially your relationship, find out what exactly is happening. It's all about trust, really. This same guy I had a relationship with, initially, would call my office and ask that I check his several boxes (e-mail) summarise his messages for him, reply his friends and so on. He refused to renew his contract on his phone when it expired, saying we could save more money and diverted all his calls to my phone. PLEASE.......suffice to say that it was all a ruse to get me to lower my Alcatraz guards and lower them I did. Oh boy.... he hit like a storm, flew like a butterfly and stung like a bee. It's a story I might one day publish because believe me, it was too magical to be true. Back to the point, if it's not SMS, it'll be a letter, a phone call you mistakenly answer or the lipstick smear on his collar......there are a million and one ways of giving yourself away as a cheater. I can't resist the temptation to add that going into a relationship thinking you're not expecting 100% fidelity from your guy or babe as the case may be because you're not prepared to give it in return, really sucks, excuse my French. It's one of the warped Western mentalities we've allowed to erode our otherwise applaudable values.

tayot jare, anytime love, I've been there, I know how it feels. I'm only too happy to help in any little way I can.

Niyyie, I must commend your insight into starting this thread.

Seun, when you eventually meet that girl that you'll remove your eyes for with no second thoughs, wish with all your heart that does not reciprocate loads of admirers interests in her, then and only then can you finally understand what we're talking about. Pele.

I am sorry guys, been offline for some time, been crazy, very crazy.

Anyway, when I saw this thread, I realised someone has been reading my memo.

Anyway, straight to the point, I so much cherish my messages, respect my madam so much that I won't touch her phone without her permission.

It is nothing special, it only shows a level of maturity in your and trust that is mutual, in fact  when you get some sms that are really "crazy", she'll be the first person to share the joke.

I love and trust her in the humanly possible way, no hassles

Try sending her a text, I'll probably be the one replying you with equaly nasty one

lol

since you girls are all yapping bout relationships you might want to take a look at thi: http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=exs … =235687926 . it's some girl talk stuff.